10 Reasons Robbie Keane Should Have Stayed at Liverpool

The deadline day transfer of Robbie Keane from Liverpool to Tottenham was probably the biggest news of an uninspiring January transfer window. Amidst claims that he was a pawn in a power struggle between Benitez and the club’s American owners, Keane was forced to pack his bags and return to Spurs with his tail between his legs in many respects. Below are the top 10 reasons Keane should have put his foot down and stayed on the red half of Merseyside.

10. No Kop Soundtrack

When you start playing for Liverpool, you may be forgiven for thinking the mob that sit in the Kop are not actually civilised human beings but rather a product of some government funded genetic breeding program that went horribly wrong. What you do know is that when they start singing your name, you’ve officially arrived as a player at Anfield. Even something like “Keane cost us a whole lot of loot, and after 6 months we’re giving him the boot” would have been poetic from people that share the same postcode as the Beatles.

9. No Stan Collymore 4-3 Moment

Collymore is remebered in football circles as a wasted talent who couldn’t get over his personal gremlins and depression. At Anfield he is revered for his winning strike in the classic 4-3 win over Newcastle in 1996. Stan himself says the only thing anyone does when they see him on the street or in rehab is congratulate him on that legendary stoppage time strike. You’d wonder how someone could be depressed after that really. Keane does not even have an 80th minute Carling Cup winner against the Burnleys and Blackpools of this world to cling to. The man that stops Keane on the street is more likely to ask for his wallet than refflect on an unforgettable instance of him in a red shirt.

8. Tottenham WILL be Relegated

Perhaps more tragic than the regular pre-season labelling of Liverpool as title contenders is the sense of optimism that accompanies the start of every season at White Hart Lane. And with all the consistency of an over-hyped Ben Affleck film, Spurs always fail to live up to their lofty billing. Atrocious signings, poor managers and incomprehensible football structures (why is there a football department division in a football club?!) are all to blame along with a dodgy pre-match feed at Arsenal a couple of seasons ago. The “too good to go down” mantra has been pulled out to justify them getting over the line this season although that ethos is likely to have more success with a guy trying to get out of spending a night with Aretha Franklin. Maybe they need to tweak it to say “stay up at all costs”; Spurs that is, not Aretha Franklin’s date.

7. Harry Redknapp WILL Move On

Redknapp is the Premier League’s Mr.Fix It, the man with the golden touch, the magician that makes Harry Potter look like a mere mortal with blurred vision. The only reason Redknapp’s carved out this reputation is that he’s never stayed at the same club long enough to earn a more long-lasting legacy. The one thing constant with Harry is change and you can be sure he’s always on the lookout for new challenges; the football manager’s version of the promiscuous man. A new target is bound to tickle his fancy in the imminent future and once that happens, Tottenham will become the Portsmouth of 2008/09.

6. Being Captain is Overrated

It seems as if one of the incentives offered to Keane to return to Tottenham was that he’d be instantly presented with the captain’s armband. In my opinion, the role of a captain on a football pitch is about as irrelevant as an autobiography on Paris Hilton. Players like Gerrard and Terry inspire and lead by example and will do so regardless of whether they strap an armband on their forearm. Tottehnham could just as well have given the armband to Ledley King to strap around those wobbly knees as in the heat of battle, players look to people, not armbands, for inspiration.

5. Rick Parry is a Logical Man

If Benitez is to be believed, then Rick Parry is the main man when it comes to pulling off transfers for Liverpool football club. The logical conclusion therefore is that he decided that the missing link in Liverpool title’s challenge was Gareth Barry at £18m and, once failed, was fortunate to see a bargain in the extremely undervalued Keane at £20m. This is about as logical as the political views put forward by Sarah Palin. Judging by Parry’s train of thought, if Gerrard and Torres did single/double handedly win Liverpool the league title, Keane would be showered with praise for his immense contribution that belied his cut price acquisition thanks to Parry’s peerless negotiation skills. He would then be offered a contract for life. Unfortunately now, the Irishman will never be a £20m again because no club in their right mind could justify spending that much on him. Which leaves Man City as his only option.

4. Torres vs Pavlyuchenko

At Liverpool Keane could have forged a career as an understudy to one of the best strikers in the world. He could have been what Heskey was to Owen, Riedle was to Fowler or what Crouch was to Big Foot. At Tottenham, the hardest thing opposing defenders find with Pavlyuchenko is how to pronounce his name. Keane has a better first touch than Pav but then so to does a block of lead. Robbie will never get any real credit for his performances because his new benchmark offers as stiff a competition as John Mccain would to Usain Bolt.

3. Missed Opportunity to be Anfield’s Winston Bogarde

Winston Bogarde sat on the sidelines for Chelsea from 2000 to 2004 training with the youth team and pocketing £40,000 a week. How good is that?! Never mind that he was ridiculed by the press and spent his off time oredering DVD’s from Holland. With a little more application Keane could have descended into such mediocrity as well. If he hadn’t had the temerity to score a cracking goal against Arsenal in a rare start, he may have already got there, basking in man’s ultimate utopia of being paid to do nothing. As with Bogards, he could have acquired fame to go with his fortune and become the only Irish striker anyone cares to read about 10 years after he retires.

2. Outlasted by Traore, Biscan and Crouch

Djimi Traore would struggle to hold down a left back position in the French under-12 paralympic side. Igor Biscan had the name and face to be Frankenstein’s cousin and played like it as well. Peter Crouch looked like a beached octopus on the pitch. The ignominy of having a Liverpool career shorter than this motley crew is something Keane will have to front up to for the rest of his life. The sad thing is the resumes of motley crew consist of two champions league winners medals and several England international caps. Now I know what recruiters on Wall Street must go through.

1. League Title Number 19?

When Liverpool won the cup treble, a fan reliably informed me that he hadn’t seen a better team since the era of Paisely and Shankly. He then fell off his bar stool. The point is that the set of players that break this title drought are destined to be immortalised by the Kop. This would have represented Keane’s best chance to have statues erected in his honour, roads named after him and crimes committed in his name. And surely immortalisation is a good enough reason for Scousers not to steal his car when he pops in to buy a loaf of bread.